Plus she nevers smiles. That bugs me toooooo death !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1. Dear Amy: My 18-year-old son (who is in high school) has had a girlfriend for the past year. Please do something for your grandson's safety and well-being. no dreams now. Whatever you do and say, do and say it with all the love you can muster from being his parents. Some lucky people do. Learn from the experience - that is what I am trying to do. It is important to have cell phone rules for kids. His father and I have tried to reason with both of them. If you feel you need to know intimate details about her, ask your son in private. She met him during his LAST semester of college and moved into his small dorm (apt) room in an apt that 3 other young men shared. And, honestly, why should I when I have to stay in the car at her place. Now they want to get MARRIED!!!!! I tried to talk to my son several times but he brushed me off. If you were hurt, she will be slow to warm up to another woman in your love life. He told her and then called me later to tell me that she was highly offended and never wanted me to do their laundry again and that all of that clothing belonged to her son. When the opportunity arose, we did mention that it might be a good idea to look into their future together to see what type of mother and wife she would make because he would have to fill in for any of her deficits there. However, I have traveled beyond the point of no return. If your son contributes to your finances and you need his support, that is a different story. He does not seem concerned for his son's health and well-being. Parents may see through their sons girlfriend, but there are other red flags keep an eye on. We went to visit him a few months ago, we emptied his flat which we are now having to rent out to cover the mortgage payments. We expressed that it wasn't that we didn't like this girl as a person and that we understood that everyone is "broken" in some wayand some people are worth fixingand that everyone deserves to be lovedbut this woman needs to fit into his life, his lifestyle, which includes his family. Here are some ideas to lighten the mood and make her feel welcome. The real issue is not about accepting your son's girlfriend, but rather accepting the choices that you as the parent make. :). Do not be that bump! Don't give up. Don't force him to choose between you and the girl. Indeed, it must be very difficult for you to witness the neglect of your grandchild. You might also ask his closest friend, cousin or sibling to talk with him. That is part of life and learning. Needs constant contact, validation, and attention. He saw that her depression, dark attitude, and erratic behavior would not be good for children and that his life would be forever difficult. My son started treating me bad - I became the bad guy! we will never accept her we just don't know what to do. But that's not an option anymore. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated as I do not want this to spoil his siblings Christmas and upset his elderly Grandparents. My son began dating this girl when he was 17. While I dont want to lose my son, I slso dont want to act like nothing ever happened by throwing out my beliefs and morals. The first meeting was at a hotel because at the time my son was going through a series of tests for a career choice. So I told my husband about it, he comfronted my boy and he said, Yes, the girl came to my house but only help him clean his room and did the laundry. I only charged her $300 a month rent and she could eat what I put in the refrigerator. What should I do. NOW HE IS VERY ARROGANT AND DISRESPECTFUL. He nearly married a girl who had mental issues to the point where she pulled a knife on him, a girl who only liked to party and didn't like or respect us, and a girl with a kid who he would support financially only to be usurped by her biological father who didn't pay a dime towards her support. 8. You have no control over what they do elsewhere, but you are responsible for what you allow in your home, so don't be bullied by his defiance of you. My son met "Scarlet" (this is not her real name) about two and half years ago on line - Xbox. We both enjoyed the same things and had so much to talk about, we became friends pretty quickly before that and it just kinda spiraled into us dating. This relationship isn't worth him killing himself over! Now he is in the Montana Youth Challenge Academy for three more months and all he can talk about is getting her to come visit! This is his first true long term sexual relationship at 19 years, so obviously this is having an affect on him. Now me and my husband because we do not approve. It might be understandable that your mother has reservations about this girl because your previous relationship with a woman did not survive. Then, we told him that we loved him and if he was sure, we would back him up and love his wife, too, but before he made that choice, we begged him to listen to what we had to say. Non-critical. I feel bad about my son lying to me of her. The woman has started expressing dislike for my three year old grandson. I'm afraid we have failed miserably with my son's recent girlfriend. I was working a temporary job and since he was the only one working a full-time permanent job, I asked him to stay with me and help with the bills. There is a social hierarchy with a code of acceptance or rejection. AT THIS POINT I FEEL THAT I CAN ONLY PRAY THAT GOD WILL GET HIM AWAY FROM THIS HORRIBLE PERSON.I AM TRULY SADDENED AND DISAPPOINTED IN MY SON.PLEASE,GIVE ME SOME GOOD ADVICE. His Grandparents are elderly and it's unfair that they are having to go through this again. My girlfriend does not live with me either as she is studying at a distant college. There is only one real red flag to be concerned about: violence. OK mamas, admit it: no one is good enough for your son. If she comes with serious emotional baggage, including mental or physical illness or addictions and he loves her enough to take her as is, you need to step aside and allow him to walk the life path he chooses. we seriously can't stand this girl can't even be in the same room with her without wanting to hurt her! I know from experience! My ex is coming down to try to talk with my son, but I fear she may do the same thing to him. These people love him because he gives them everything they want. She sleeps with multiple men at a time and has advertised her "services" on Backpage and Erotic Monkey. Everyone has value. Your email address will not be published. Whatever you do, always, always be sure he can feel your love for him. Generally, women who go into nursing are very nurturing, patient and compassionate people. They attended our sons high school graduation as well as his party. How to Choose the Right Toddler Girl Outdoor Coat? In a gentle manner, make it clear to your mother that you and the mother of your child will be married soon. There are a lot more resources for grandparents today. I treated her like a daughter (I don't have a daughter). We are in a day where accusations can and will destroy a person. He will defend her to others because he is the only one who "truly understands" that there is a sweet girl underneath the tough exterior. So, if your sons girlfriend is manipulative, should you confront him? Fast forward 4 years.he is dating her again and considering moving in with herughhh! They do not see many of their choices as being "bad" for them. This woman doesn't care about those things." When is your birthday? My husband ignore what he saw but he told me about it. This way, he can see you are not being mean or negative towards her in any way. Confronting them will not likely end well. Just emotionless responses or civil remarks. During this time I have tried to be as kind and helpful to my son and his new girlfriend. When I bought my grandson those items I also purchased clothing in 12 month size at her request for her son. If he is okay with them, you should be too. Then they had June exams, they are both in Matric and I had to start putting boundaries in place in which I told them that they can only see each other 1 day of the weekend until after exams. From then on, be kind and open-hearted towards her and her parents. Your continuing negativity will force your son to decide between you and her. Consider getting help, especially if your son is in an abusive relationship. I find it useful,I have four son one came home with a girl who will never say hi to me when he first start'ed going out with her, I always said hi some time she will just be looking at me, and my son will be there when she is doing this,this is my first son, now my #2 son will tel his girlfriend not to talk to me when he has problem with me even now he send his graduation invitation to his girl friend and a friend, when she see will also not say hi,how can I understand this ,I care for this children when their father left when they were babys is this what I get for 26years, please help me. As his mother, you have the right to forewarn him of upcoming problems that may stem from differences in faith and other areas of incompatibility, for example. She's been dating him for three years and he say's she'll grow out of it. This can be more difficult for the parent than it is for the child, but here are some ways to make it easier for everyone. Say, "Mom, no other woman can take your place in my heart--ever." He's going to let her ruin his life. She then throws it down and says she was not pregnant. Hi Doc, my Son is 18 and his girlfriend is the same age. His Dad advised him that telling Mom doesnt necessarily mean acceptance from Mom on the relationship.I am really struggling with how to handle this! kirmizi biber substitute; medical kidnapping in florida; glucocorticosteroid vs albuterol for anaphylaxis Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? Meanwhile--or otherwise--he could be attracted to her because she represents a totally different lifestyle than he has known. Scarlet announced to my son that she was going to get her kids and bring them to live with them and she can't/won't pay anything. Any advice and insight on these situations of life. Your disapproval. Son's Girlfriend: The Big Mistake You Need to Avoid. Let him know that as his mother, you will always love him and support him in finding his happiness. I've been dating a guy for 2 years now and have always been respectable and kind to his family. She is an only child and she also works at the same place of employment as our son. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. It's clear our son spends a great deal of time and energy taking care of his girlfriend and making her feel secure and content, although she is rarely content for long. A year ago he started dating this girl, at first I really liked her, she tried to be a mediator between my son and I and she was helpful and always got him home when I wanted him home That didn't last long. Although it is disheartening, it also gives me a sense of support - as this subject has been one that has been very difficult to handle for the past 2 years in my house. She is disrespectful, leaves things all over the place, waste food, milk..etc, she is rude to anyone that is not one of her few personal friends and she only has a couple. Thanks for the most valuable advice. u don't have a job, u shouldn't pay for ur friend's food! Sing her praises but not in a way that will make your mother feel less or feel jealous. Then the exams started and they chose to see each other on the Saturday. But shrug your shoulders and say, "It's your life. The girl was sitting on the couch while my son sitting on the floor in between the girl's legs. He only said the girl didn't come to the house because he got panicked when I asked him if the girl came and if he said yes that I'm gonna get mad. But you'll be the one who has to live with your choice for the rest of your life. No one likes to throw away love. She did not clean unless told (I say told because she never offered) and she did not cook (she said no one taught her) and so I tried. Thank you! He should be open to common sense. My main support is that she liked to undertake Nursing as she said she likes to serve the community and I paid for her registration and now she has received a study loan for the whole year and now has one year left for her studies. The right girl will bring more love and joy to the family as the family grows. Another persons perspective might help him see his girlfriend for who she is. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about the things that have transpired through those years.first off, my son never officially introduced me to this woman. Talking to your son about sex is scary enough but talking to him about what and when it is okay to touch someone and when it's not can be even harder. "Are you angry with us? My family and I were sure to surround my son with lots of love all the time so he knew what a loving family he had and what he would be missing if he had to make a choice. Let the girl do her thing which probably will be to move on while he is detention. Take the initiative when you sense genuine estrangement. We need to question why this girl attracts him. Not all life paths are meant to be easy and if he chooses a hard path, we'll walk it with him. Then things got even worse. When she went to get the other child, her family would not let her take the older child. Would you like to prove once and for all that parents know best? Did you criticize them a lot? Afterward, half shut." It's a hormone thing in many people. Today I mad him leave with no where to go and cried after her left and watched him load that tiny car. However, the reality is that my relationship with my son has changed and I can't really see any improvement as long as he is with this woman. Offer your insights without judgment or emotionno threats, tears, or tiradesor you son will close his ears. I don't know how she is feeling about me being in a serious relationship with her son, and I'm not going to confront her about the way she makes me feel, unwelcomed and sensing her jealousy.What do I do?? He is an adult and doesn't seem to be concerned about her sitting around smoking all day, not cleaning up or contributing to the bills. I tried talking to him about it to woo him back to her. And now that he is lying to me and looks like he's protecting her from me, I feel so betrayed! Unfortunately, your deeply in love son may not yet be in a position to differentiate an. We have always tried so hard as a family to make her . A 16-year-old girl with those types of problems most likely has moved on to another guy while your son is in detention center. Have you ever been to (your family vacation spot)? My son has turned all care of my grandson over to her and she is neglecting him horribly. I still would address my son and let him know that it is only fair that his gf cleans up after herself and perhaps they need to kick in extra money for the extra expenses she creates with groceries, utilities, etc. "Let your partner know it means a lot to you to see . I have not said anything critical of her until a few days ago which was after his telling me that she was now claiming all the new clothing purchased for her baby who is now 9 months old. She holds his celphone, or bag pack and they always sit together. A grandmother writes in asking for advice after she thought she was doing right by her son's girlfriend when she purchases all they could ever need for their now 7-month-old child. (as he was joking on his text) I said, I only like her because she's nice to our dog, but I don't her for you as your girlfriend! Ask Amy: I don't like my son's girlfriend. How do I approach this issue as it is emotionally draining me. It's hard to talk to your adult child about his choice of mate because he will see it as yet another reason to protect her. Be direct: "What have I done to make you treat me this way?" If you've encouraged his free will and chosen your battles wisely, he'll more likely be receptive to your sincere input as an adult. Try to treat him like the independent young man he has become. Young ladies attempt to prove their worth while mothers can be highly critical of whoever seems to be trying to replace her in her sons life. I decided to post this comment because I am proof that doing right by your child or a person does not mean that you will be okay. Your life, your choice. If she is using tricks to get something she wants from her. So my question is, what should I do? During that time, my son was dating this new woman and she was still pregnant and also directly after the birth of her child. Anything I say or do is considered wrong and I no longer know how to behave . My advice is to show only love and kindness toward your sons and their girlfriends. There is more negative conversation than positive. I will be praying for you! Young girls also are developing into who they want to be so a lot of this behavior is thoughtless and fleeting. We have tried to give our son his space, included her in many family gatherings, dinners, etc. Explaining what abuse, assault, and rape really are can be confusing, but it is important for his life and the lives of the girls he meets. But this article gave me too a different perspective. When I told my son that a woman who does not cook for herself, will not cook for you, he replied "women don't cook anymore." If his girlfriend is prone to violence, she poses a risk to your son and any future children. I mean, I . But he might have to see that "her love" isn't so healthy--or true. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Because it seems odd that you don't mind if she calls your father a motherf*##* or yells at me. If you continue to "keep away" from them, they will blame her for that so try not to stay away. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); My Sons Girlfriend Is Manipulative 3 Ways To Cope, on My Sons Girlfriend Is Manipulative 3 Ways To Cope, 1. Look whos talking.. Of course your son would protect his girl! Are you protesting this relationship? But they don't like my girlfriend we had some issues in the beginning but I don't blame my girlfriend there were alot of outside interference. He has no contact with his own young teen sister other that to be nasty & derogatory. It actually felt good just to vent and get another opinion! My problem is a little different. She can't keep up with this when you're not around, so . If he were unhappy, I can understand your wanting to change his situation. So I said, okay.. Tiredofthinkingmom on September 05, 2017: Lou--- yes sir we are living that now good God she may be the twin of our sons gf! Why? But he was not street smart before meeting this woman. She pretends to be having no issue to me at times but I am concerned that this will have a negative impact on our relationship with her (mother) once we get married. Asks them questions about how they feel about their situation. I haven't said anything cos I don't want to hurt my son and put him in the middle of something that he is not responsible for. When a son introduces a new female into his world, mothers instinctually take caution, and fears and questions arise. I have fought her tooth and nail ever since I found about her 8 months ago. What's something fun that you and (your son) have done lately? However, this shouldnt deter you from educating him about healthy relationships, especially if you have the feeling that my sons girlfriend is manipulative. He said sorry but it didn't change the the fact that he lied to me! Come to find out, she worked at a cookie shop in the mall with my son's ex-girlfriend (who was very nice and we loved very much) .long story short - she began instigating throughout their break-up and laying it on really thick.
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